Bats and Balls (Reprise)

Who’s that playing the Rangers?
I’ll tell you who’s that playing the Rangers.
Rookies and a Freak and a Kung Fu Panda and a Beard and a barrel of madcap strangers
Those are who’s playing the Rangers.

What’s in the daily news?
I’ll tell you what’s in the daily news.
Story about game five, Giants hoping to clinch it, Rangers just trying not to lose
That’s what’s in the daily news.

What’s happening all over?
I’ll tell you what’s happening all over.
Fans sitting at home by television sets, wondering if this is when the season will be over.
That’s what’s happening all over.

When you see a bat
Whipping around a hat
You can bet that it’s just looking for a ball…


Follow the trend and hit no more,
Hit no more, hit no more.
Put down the baseball bat, use it no more.
Follow, follow the trend.


A World Series ring would look grand
On any given pitching hand,
So closers try to bar the door
Making sure the batters don’t score.
When many a rookie’s a star
You’d better give thanks to your scout,
And things being how they are
Hope you can get that final out.
So the Arlington ballpark’s the spot
For both teams to give all that they’ve got.

It was good old reliable Brian
Brian, Brian, Brian Wilson
If you’re looking for action, his mound is the spot
And he’ll serve you up heaters when he gets hot
Yeah it’s good old reliable Brian
Hoping not to issue a walk
And to end the Giants’ established title drought
Since they left New York.


I got your batter here, they’re gonna end the year
With him still on the bench, I can see it clear.
Cantu, Cantu, this guy that they’ll have, Cantu.
Won’t get a chance to come through, come through, come through.

His batting skill was clear, I know this will sound queer
But it’ll turn out to be the pitchers’ year.
Cantu, Cantu, it sounds crazy to me too.
But this sort of pace won’t do, won’t do, won’t do.

Now listen here, this Bum? He’s not really a bum
And it’s through him that lots of success will come
The kids, the kids, will avert potential skids
And someday attract big bids, big bids, big bids.

And speaking of which. Cliff! His arm will not be stiff
And he’ll keep pitching through hoping for a whiff.
Has chance, has chance, with him they still have a chance
You’ll see how far they’ll advance, advance, advance.

Now just a minute, boys, you make a lot of noise
But we’ll just have to see all the season’s joys.
Who knows, who knows, which way any season goes?
Only after, I suppose, suppose, suppose.

It once seemed so unclear, but now the end is here.
Oh, what a crazy year!

Fugue for Marlins fans

I got your batter here, he’s gonna start the year
Right down in Florida where the weather’s clear.
Cantu, Cantu, this guy that we got, Cantu.
You know he’s gonna come through, come through, come through.

Cantu will get a hit, if he’s on top of it,
As long as Gonzalez doesn’t make him sit.
New game, new game, it’ll turn out just the same.
Each game, each game, he’ll drive someone in each game.

I said, this guy right here, we all should hold him dear,
He’s gonna get some hits, and I’m real sincere.
Cantu, Cantu, this guy that we got, Cantu.
You know he’s gonna come through, come through, come through.
Cantu–this guy we got right here!

This is his time to shine, cause on the morning line,
I heard he could pull it off here in game nine.
Has chance, has chance, this guy says he’s got a chance.
If he says he’s got a chance, has chance, has chance.

He’ll go out there and shine, his swing is looking fine,
And you know Bailey was never a friend of mine.
Today, today, this is gonna be his day.
It’s looking like a good day, today, his day.

He’s gonna be that guy to get the RBI
He’s gonna hit a homer and let it fly.
Big threat, big threat, the Reds know he’s a big threat.
They’re calling him a big threat, you bet, big threat.

And just a minute, boys,
I hear the broadcast noise,
He’s got a homer! That’s gonna bring many joys.
It’s done, we won, and now he is number one.
If he’s really number one, we won, we won.
Yeah, Cantu was the guy with the RBI,
Because he hit a homer and let it fly.

We’ve got the guy right here!