And you thought the Twins were only collecting closers…

How is a Twins fan to tell
They did not give the AL
The attention it deserved
This year? When justice is served.

When they go to Target Field
And see the lineups revealed.
Then they meet their sorry fate;
They can’t keep their Jasons straight!

That said, it’s not fair to blame
The fans. It’s a common name.
In Target Field, like the Dome,
Jasons really feel at home.

Before we knew there’d be more,
Way back in 2004,
Kubel and Bartlett came up,
Though for just a coffee cup.

After Kubel hurt his knee,
Resting from an injury,
The Twins went down to the Minor
Leagues to call up Jason Tyner.

Let’s not forget Jason Miller.
He was not a giant-killer
With an 18 ERA
In the four games he would play.

Jason Bartlett went away
In that trade with Tampa Bay.
Did this make the roster tidy?
Not trading for Jason Pridie.

Was there any fan petition
To stop all this repetition?
Could anyone stop the rep? No.
Now we’ve got this Jason Repko!

It might not count for a lot,
But Hardy is a bright spot.
The alternative’s too scary;
“J.J.” just stands for “James Jerry.”

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Go Go Go Gomez

After the Twins got knocked out
They tried to keep their fortune high.
Four outfielders were too many
So it was time to say goodbye.

It wasn’t like they’d been upset,
But who to give up? Who to get?

Go, go, go, Gomez; we wish you could stay
But we’d like someone who knows how to play.
We’ll give up Gomez, fight till we win
Get a new lineup, and then we’ll begin.

Now on Gardenhire’s clipboard
There were four (and that’s too many) names.
He didn’t know how to rotate
Them through all the season’s games.
Hey, Gomez, take one for the team,
Cause you don’t quite fit into this scheme:

Four skilled outfielders that played for the Twins
All in the clubhouse and looking for wins.
In right Cuddyer, the most trusted man,
Gomez rotated with Young and with Span.

“Tell me of your needs,” said Smith,
With Milwaukee on the line.
“I can almost guarantee
That yours aren’t the same as mine.”

First Melvin had been looking for
Arms, asking around the trading floor.

“There we were losing, Sabathia gone,
I waited for inspiration to dawn.
We’d give up Hardy, and get a new ace.”
No one accepted; cue an about-face.

“Nothing comes for free, my friend,
But do not worry any more.
We’ll take Hardy off your hands
And give you someone who can score.”

Then some more telephone calls were made
More details before the games were played.

“Hey, are you standing? You’d better sit down
But get ready to get out of this town.
We’ve just replaced you at a good price
But good luck to you, knowing you was nice.”

Cameron and Cabrera
Both have bags they’ll need to pack
The odds are good that neither is
Going to be invited back.
Don’t rely on all the GMs said
It’s just that they’re both thinking far ahead.

Go, go, go, Gomez, we wish you could stay,
But we want someone who knows how to play.
Sha la la Gomez, it’s not your place
You’re ahead of the throw, but not yet to the base.