With the forthcoming substitution of golf and rugby union for baseball and softball in the Summer Olympics, there will likely someday be changes to the Winter Olympic program. I’ve taken the liberty of compiling some suggestions and critical commentary.
Good news: life jackets less necessary than normal.
Bad news: I think there’s some sort of ban on motor vehicles in Olympic races.
Good news: don’t need any new facilities.
Bad news: not very exciting for the television audience.
Good news: more widespread than other contenders.
Bad news: makes coming up with a cute mascot a little harder.
*Short track figure skating
Good news: there’s precedent for combining two separate events.
Bad news: After figure ones and figure sevens, there’s not a lot you can do on a short track.
Good news: faster than the biathlon.
Bad news: It’s a little irrational.
*Full pipe snowboarding
Good news: twice as intense as the halfpipe.
Bad news: Hard for the judges to get a clear view of the action.
Good news: you could probably convert the skeleton tracks for it.
Bad news: uniform costs are a bit prohibitive.
Good news: It’ll shut Joe up from whining about how Bob has his own sled and he doesn’t.
Bad news: If we give Joe a sled, Bill is gonna want one too, and then so is Mary…
*Sliding, seated without any equipment, down an icy hill
Good news: I could probably win a medal at this.
Bad news: Freestyle competition has taken a hit since overzealous elementary school recess-patrollers banned jumps.