Vikings Stink
Administrator’s apology: I told this blog author to whip up a lipogrammatic post about a Vikings loss. Sadly, said author is a dumb idiot and was just totally plagiarizing an actual, non-lipogrammatic thing! Phrasings such as in football is “0-2, talking about a must-win situation in” and “turn as quickly and as dramatically as it did is frustrating” sound convincing at first, I know, but look on and you find out that it’s not a lipogram at all.
So, I cut out words that didn’t fit, but what I was stuck with was ungrammatical slop. So I put in a bunch of words to try and fix it all up but I think I just wound up making it bad still. I’m not much into gridiron football, you know. So…sorry. And sorry to Vikings columnist Mark Craig, who I’m still kind of plagiarizing. Alas.
First-half
in football is 0-2, talking about a must-win situation in his foosball pool
and blaming his punt-handling guys
for not playing all that much
in
half of its first two.
“I think our trinity of
word for
day is, ‘Wow, not again,’ ” Vikings
Fan #1
said and now wants to go to
Tampa Bay in Florida
a warm location, which is host
to a good squad, which can now and again obtain
victory in front of happy
fans in contrast to
Vikings’ thralls.
at. last!
Vikings sail across tumultuous storms and stuff in
a big boat
at San Francisco, until
losing a captain to nasty piranhas
in. said storms.
But as bad as that was, it
was much not as bad as that day poor Olaf, said boat’s cook, got scurvy
to which hungry
Vikings
dominating
Old-World trading paths
at odds with said piranhas
at.tacking wildly, wound up tossing Olaf to a shark.
Vikings brought
in total yards, of masts,
first downs,
rushing yards,
and.
stuff
playing a long round of Whist,
“This was just a horrid night,” your mom
said. But
now, and I don’t think
you should try sailing until fall or so, on
a boat
that fits
from Scandinavia
half to
half.”
Obviously, a slow start
has all
Vikings fans worrying
a lot
in a. tizzy
And Vikings
trail in Find Hudson
Bay standings, against Britain’s
Lions by two months going
in to a big
NFC North match which will burst
into Sunday’s ordinarily tranquil sanctuary.
against a Lions squad
that has won six coin flips in a row! Talk about random odds! That’s just a shot in sixty-four, guys!
and is coming off a glorious crusading
victory in
Kansas City.
“For,”
said Vikings coach
Donovan McNabb, “ want of a nail, our ship was lost. And truth
is, it’s a must-win situation.”
Against all
odds
it may
look as if Vikings can find a way to blow this upcoming match
too.
Only two
of
backups who saw
that ugly
0-2 start will go
on to
play in a third match. Don’t put cash on any to go to
playoffs. Of sorts
Vikings did it in back of Kristoff’s shack last Monday. It was hot and probably in violation of most Nordic law, but so totally worth it, if you know what I’m talking about.
Old
York Giants won a Union Jack
Bowl following
an 0-2 start.
“It’s tough to swallow,” coach McNabb
said. “If
you play as badly
as my squad was
playing, to watch luck
turn as quickly and as dramatically as it did is frustrating. I
got to rub down my
back Monday, find
out what Ragnarok
is and stop
it
in a hurry.”
Amazingly,
Vikings can’t work
for Odin or any particular crony of Odin’s
in forty-hour stints. Or
half. In fact,
only four
of NFL squads
was a round for
that odd occasion
as saints would go marching in. And not a Louisianan sort.
Sunday.
“I’m almost happy
to call it a
fact that it couldn’t possibly occur
again,”
Chad Ochocinco
said.
“with our bad
way of
playing and Adrian
was flying around making plays and showing
off his spiffy uniform. I’m talking flying, right? Through air
on third down [in
first half].”
Vikings
simply could not play football with skill
in any
half. Opposing mascot
Philip
of San Antonio
and Josh Groban
of Tampa Bay would call this “a shocking display”
of “gargantuan proportions”
for fantasy football fans who had to rack up, I don’t know, a thousand
yards and two touchdowns in
half. An hour
McNabb ran out
of gas, passing
for 77 yards and no TDs.
On Sunday, dozing
Vikings got stuck
0-for-4 on
third downs of pillows
Bucs, conscious
going 5-for-6.
Bucs also had good luck against
Vikings in total yards both front AND back yards!
In plots of land, about a
half. Furlong by a half furlong.
In
first half, Adrian
ran for sixty
yards and two touchdowns on crisp Astroturf
,
Bucs running back Jim
Blount ran for 4 yards on A boat, at which I took a good hard look.
In said day’s third
half, Randy Moss
was
to obtain just two
yards on top of four from his first night, for a (baby) grand total of six. Actually you would want a total of a thousand to wind up truly “grand.” Good luck, Randy.
Blount ran for six
yards and two touchdowns on his lucky socks. Actually lucky socks, not just a psyching-him-into-thinking-it’s-good-luck thing.
Vikings’ prognosis, obviously, is not too good. Possibly Yggdrasil will fall on top of opposition but don’t bank on it.
On, Friday
right back
Phil Loadholt sat
on. his foot and is probably out for a month.
Spiking
a first-down pass, running back Fats
was consuming bluish (with a hint of pink) folks
for holding in pass.
A short
punt got
Bucs a short sharp shot
at
Vikings. Two plays,
Blount ran away
from a goalpost fifty
yards. away
Vikings did not panic
and had
Bucs thirty points down
down in a good
situation to hold onto. But
Brian Robison couldn’t stay cool
on a play on which
Bucs. Ran for sixty yards and a touchdown.
That was good for
Bucs but not Vikings.
To, try and rally back
which didn’t actually occur, Vikings
did with a long
pass to Smith
that
up a trick play off a
goal post
in bounds. On its
third. Try, it did finally work, but at that point it was not important.
Midway through his
fourth, play-calling discussion, McNabb
was angry at his running back
for roughing up his clipboard
on a rusty old drinking fountain.
Following
a
touchdown pass to Um, I don’t know. Zobrist plays for Tampa Bay, right?
With half an hour
on that stadium’s clock, a TV guy said, “Oh
snap.”
on TV, fans had not run across good ads until
kickoff, in an AFC fight.
Picking up a
ball from 6 yards
in
from Tampa Bay’s hash, Adrian ran
and was brought down
at
a “push him out of bounds” play.
Bucs won
and.
It was a hard-fought win
, too:
six of Tampa Bay’s touchdowns will count for fantasy stats
for 51 yards against a soft down pillow
that,
in
first half, didn’t apply much. to
Vikings scalps. But possibly a good nap would assist said squad?
Johnson wants to know
what should his gang do with
an imbibing sailor
on first down from his own forty. Curious
Vikings all don’t know what to do
with him
, and Blount thinks you should find a way for him to rack up a
4-yard TD with two plays
to go.
“I got a lot of
crap out of us in
half,” of my bathroom
said. A furious McNabb. “But you all
got to find a way to play for not a lot of cash.
.”
